Monday, January 29, 2007

Winning the War in Iraq: Not only Doable, It's Done!

A vote is before the Iraqi Parliament, such as it stands, or ducks, as the case may be. Between the bullets whizzing past legislator(s), and the hand grenades and passing suicide bombers that lawmakers have to deal with, another volley is stealthily pulled right under their noses: the Oil Law! It gives 70% of oil revenues not to the Iraqi People as the administration promised us, but to, you guessed it, Dick & Georgie's cause celebre, Big Oil Conglomerates! Once passed, and the dedicated al-Maliki has assured us that he will do everything in his power - within his specified 3/4 acre - to see that it passes - then "we", represented by Big Oil Conglomerates, posing as flag-draped "U.S. Interests", will have won! So every death, every disfiguration, every maimed young man and woman in the prime of their lives, every orphaned child, will have been worth it!

So already sinfully-rich and bloated Monoliths like Big Oil can rake in the black gold for their personal gain, and the people in Iraq can go back to the business of being hungry, having no infrastructure, having all their national treasures and antiquities destroyed and razed and burned, having no services, electricity, or potable water, and watching their children being blown apart in the education and commerce-free streets run by armed gunmen killing each other for centuries-old grudges that serve no purpose but self-destruction and the elimination of decent people. In other words, it's a victory for greed, a defeat for human beings. And we can use it all to run our cars and our economy. USA! USA! USA! But what would old Tom Jefferson say? Who the hell cares - we live for today!

And how could they convince Mr. al-Maliki to sign away his nation's resources like that? Simple:

Dear Mr. Al-Maliki:

We, the Superpower Oil Conglomerates, might actually deign to pursue the thought of actually investing in your lowlife, devastated, terror-ridden Economy, even though such Conglomerates are actually hardly interested in your lucrative worldclass oil fields, as we are actually extremely Busy doing Much More Important Things and driving Ferraris instead of armored vehicles, but well, if you agree to give us the mere pittance of 70% of your revenues so you can starve your people in a world class show of sincerity to the Masters of the Universe, then we, in a moment of rare largesse, may invest in your pariah economy, and even in those oilfields, and at the same time, maybe, just maybe, we will change our minds about blowing every last bit of infrastructure into a billion pieces.

Of course, if you ever get the idea that we actually NEED and WANT DESPERATELY to use those oilfields, we will use all the power at our disposal - care for a taste? oh, you already had some, did you? - to show you that we want it, but on OUR TERMS. And don't you DARE think to offer a stake to anyone else in this Universe, other than the Masters. You know who I mean. Bro.

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