Saturday, June 2, 2007

Hail to the Chief

And while you're at it, folks, it wouldn't hurt to try a little prostration...

Hey,I just signed my first Royal Decree on May 9th, and nobody even gave a hoot. Well, we have to start out real democratic-like, using all the right words, like "Constitutional", "democratic" and "separation of powers." Who would think "proper respect for the constitutional separation of powers" means what I say it means: Congress and the Courts stay out of it! If there's an emergency, somebody's got to be in charge! And that somebody's got to be The Executive... yours truly.
And now we're doing something about it! Right here in writing, the President's National Security and Homeland Security Decree that I signed...
"The National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive, sir."
Right, thank you. As I said, this would finally, at last, give the people what they want in a time of national crisis, in say a terrorist attack like 9-11 - Remember 9-11 - yep, and remember how we all pulled together for America. For patriotism. For the flag. For what it all stands for. For the President. And I stood tall. And I stood for what we needed. We needed strength. At the top. We needed The Executive. And that would be ... yours truly...
So you'll be glad to know it reads here in black-n-white: "The President shall lead the activities of the Federal Government for ensuring constitutional government." That's of course in case of an emergency.
"Mr. President, does that mean we would have martial law and you would have dictatorial powers?"
(Aside) Who's this guy? Get him the @#&#$#!&(%$ out of here!
(To the young questioner) Sorry- could hardly hear ya. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Look, it says right here: we'd have a "cooperative effort" with the legislative and the judicial. Says here, this effort would be, and I quote: "coordinated by the President, as a matter of comity with respect to the legislative and judicial branches and with proper respect for the constitutional separation of powers." That means respect and that means democracy.
"But Mr. President, do you know what 'comity' means?"
Of course, I know what it means, but that's not the point. The point is that someone's in charge in time of crisis, so we don't have any more fiascos, if you know what I mean...
(Aside) What's "comity"? (Aide answers softly) "Courtesy."
And just to let you know, "comity" means that thing we need more of in government, "courtesy."
"So you're saying the involvement of the legislative and judicial branches in government at that point would be just a matter of courtesy? That means, no checks. And without checks, no balances."
Sorry, you're wrong. Already said we'd have "proper respect for the Constitutional balance of power." That means checks and balances. Nananana - na - na...
"And who determines how 'respect' is to be shown?"
The buck stops here, young man.
Yours truly.
"The Commander-in-Chief?"
"We're supposed to completely trust you to make all the decisions in a time of crisis, and no one can oppose you unless you happen to respect them. As the Commander-in-Chief, that makes you Military Dictator. So our security in a crisis - like we never had crises before 9-11 - is supposed to be enhanced by giving the President the powers of Military Dictator. Is that right?"
I like to think of it as "King". And I already decreed it. So as a loyal subject, all you have to do is ... obey it.
And while you're at it, it wouldn't hurt to try a little prostration...

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